8 Essential Parental Responsibilities by Chris Theisen

Nobody ever said that children were easy to raise. They don't come with guidelines or instructions, and they certainly don't come with a pause button. What they do come with is a crucial set of physical and emotional needs that must be met. Failure of the parents to meet these specific needs can have wide-ranging and long-lasting negative effects.
The following outline provides eight essential responsibilities that parents must adhere to in order to foster their child's physical and/or emotional well-being:
1. Provide an environment that is SAFE.
A. Keep your child free from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
B. Keep unsafe objects locked up or out of reach of your child.
C. Get to know your child's caregivers (get references or background checks).
D. Correct any potential dangers around the house.
E. Take Safety Precautions: Use smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, lock doors at night, always wear seatbelts, etc.

2. Provide your child with BASIC NEEDS.
A. Water
B. Plenty of nutritious foods
C. Shelter
D. A warm bed with sheets, blankets, and a pillow
E. Medical care as needed/Medicine when ill
F. Clothing that is appropriate for the weather conditions
G. Space (a place where he or she can go to be alone)

3. Provide your child with SELF-ESTEEM NEEDS.
A. Accept your child's uniqueness and respect his or her individuality.
B. Encourage (don't push) your child to participate in a club, activity, or sport.
C. Notice and acknowledge your child's achievements and pro-social behavior.
D. Encourage proper hygiene (to look good is to feel good, or so they say!).
E. Set expectations for your child that are realistic and age-appropriate.
F. Use your child's misbehavior as a time to teach, not to criticize or ridicule.

4. Teach your child MORALS and VALUES.
A. Honesty
B. Respect
C. Responsibility
D. Compassion
E. Patience
F. Forgiveness
G. Generosity

5. Develop MUTUAL RESPECT with your child.
A. Use respectful language
B. Respect his or her feelings
C. Respect his or her opinions
D. Respect his or her privacy
E. Respect his or her individuality

6. Provide DISCIPLINE which is effective and appropriate.
A. Structured
B. Consistent
C. Predictable
D. Fair

7. Involve yourself in your child's EDUCATION.
A. Communicate regularly with your child's teacher(s)
B. Make sure that your child is completing his or her homework each night.
C. Assist your child with his or her homework, but don't DO the homework.
D. Talk to your child each day about school (what is being studied, any interesting events,...etc.).
E. Recognize and acknowledge your child's academic achievements.

8. Get to KNOW YOUR CHILD.
A. Spend quality time together.
B. Be approachable to your child.
C. Ask questions.
D. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

Now that we've looked at the responsibilities parents HAVE, let's look at what responsibilities parents do NOT have. The following is a list of responsibilities that no parent should be expected to meet.
1. Supplying your child with the most expensive designer clothes or shoes available.
2. Picking up after your child/Cleaning your child's room.
3. Dropping everything you're doing to give your child a ride somewhere.
4. Providing your child with a telephone, television, computer, or game system.
5. Bailing your child out of trouble every time he or she does something wrong.
6. Maintaining an unlimited supply of treats, chips, sodas, or junk foods for your child's unlimited consumption.
7. Replacing toys or other items that your child has lost or misplaced.
8. Welcoming any or all of your child's friends into your home for social or other activities.

An Inspirational Poem

Mind is the master power that molds and makes,
And we are Mind, and evermore we take
The tool of thought, and shaping what we will,
Bring forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills,
We think in secret, and it comes to pass -
Our world is but our looking glass.
-- James Allen

This short and inspiring poem contains a world of wisdom within its few short sentences. It serves as a powerful reminder or idea that we are what our thoughts made of. What we consistently and persistently think, be it good or bad, sooner or later, our thoughts will manifest into reality.

It's a wake-up call for me to learn to watch my own thinking instead of letting aimlessness always taking over. By redirecting my negative thoughts to more pleasant thoughts, I would usually experience quite a quick shift in my emotions, too. I hope that this poem would encourage you in cultivating courageous, good and beautiful thoughts, just as it inspires me.

A GOOD WAY OF TEACHING

I’m not a teacher by profession, but I’ve been hired very recently by my previous company to train their newly hires. They’ve trusted me enough to handle this task even though this was my very first job as a trainer. They’ve given me a month’s time frame, but I’ve finished the training in just two weeks, half the time they’ve set for me. They were amazed by the progress I’ve made, and the progress of the trainees, their adaptation to a new work environment. This was the first time that this had happened because prior to this, trainings were usually conducted in a two-month period.

I’ve set up a milestone. I’ve required my trainees to meet a 90% performance on their first week and a 95% performance on their second week, and they must maintain that 95% performance all the way through their “graduation”, as I might say, because that is the standard rating once they’re in production. And they’ve achieved it. Well, not all of them, there were two who had failed to meet the standards I’ve set, and they were removed from the training and were not hired.

Well, you know, I’ve discovered that one of those things that we need to get rid off and kind of rub off to the side in a pretty big hurry is “repetition”, the father of learning as they say. Well, not so. You don’t repeat something over and over and expect someone to get it. They’ll get it but, you see, it doesn’t turn on switches in the brain.

A long time ago, you might recall that there was a fellow who is in education. His name was Aristotle. You probably heard of him. He had a student called Cicero. And Cicero discovered a marvelous way of teaching; it was called “loci”. And this is what loci says, “I can place in this room, the one you’re in, the one I’m in, a bunch of information, and if I can close my eyes and see that room, I can recall that information anytime I want to. You’re thinking, “Just a little memory trick.” No. I’m telling you, it’s a concrete way to anchor memory without repetition and without doing something over and over. So this is the method I’ve used for my trainees, and it worked! You see, “learning is the true application of what we know”.

Success can be achieved, but we have to be innovational. We have to ask ourselves, “What works? Don’t pay me extra to make it work, just pay me to do a good job.” Ask that magic question because I have discovered that when we ask questions, we get wonderful, wonderful answers. And it didn’t have to be a question we ask over and over, or a ritual, or something that is learned about rote memorization. The first thing we should do to be active learners and keep active learning in our life is we have to be active learners. We have to move. We have to exercise our bodies. And we have to laugh.

WHEN WOMEN HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE... by Gel Santos-Relos

I thought this was a masterpiece, a very precise observation of the reality of the state of marriages here in the Philippines. I, for one, can account to this one.

AT WHAT POINT DOES A WOMAN SAY "ENOUGH!"....WALK OUT THE DOOR AND NEVER LOOK BACK...?
Let me start with my premise: Women, in most cases, enter into the sacred covenant of marriage because they want to make it work…because they want to build a family and spend the rest of their life with their husbands, “for better for worse…”. And as I wrote in my prequel to this blog (Why Women Stand By Their Man Despite…”), women are wired biologically, socially and spiritually, to stand by their man, to keep the family together, even if sometimes, or many times, this means overextending themselves and putting their family’s needs and happiness above theirs.

While there may be more women who are happily married and have been blessed with loving, responsible and faithful husbands, there are also women who cry in silence...women who feel trapped...women who are compelled to break away. Yes, there are women who say goodbye...who swim against the tide, take the road less traveled, leave their husbands and break the family apart by walking out the door, legal separation, annulment or divorce. And they all have their reasons…

Some women endure years of physical abuse from the hands of the very same man they trusted, loved, and served with all their heart. Some just blindly accept that they should submit themselves to the authority of their husbands, others are made to believe it was their fault and that they deserved to be punished.

These women even rationalize why they have to be beaten up--- they did not keep the house clean…did not wash his clothes the way he wanted…did not prepare a good meal or served chilled bottles of beer…did not want to have sex even when they were tired or not feeling well, or when the husband smelled like puke after drinking with his "barkada" ‘til the wee hours of the morning, or when they are afraid they might be infected with venereal disease or get pregnant again.

There are also women who get confused when their husbands hit them in rage one moment, and then make a complete turn-around--- plead for forgiveness, and shower them with love and affection….and the cycle goes on and on. Others are just simply too terrified to even talk about what is really going on behind closed doors.

Some women who do the unthinkable---those who look the other way when their own husbands abuse their children---physically, sexually. Coming from the position of learned helplessness, there are women who even appease, persuade or coerce their own children to never speak out about their father’s horrendous act for fear of losing financial support, to avoid the social stigma and embarrassment. On the other hand, some women turn their rage to themselves or even to their own children and become abusers themselves, perpetuating the culture and cycle of violence.. Some end up killing their husbands and their children.

There are women who are never battered physically, but their pain and scars are as deep. They have been brainwashed by their husbands through the most hurting words possible, of how worthless they are, of how old and lousy they have turned out to be. These women are cursed, ridiculed, and even made to believe how indebted they should be to their husbands because if not for them, they, the poor wives, are nobody...they are nothing. “Tignan lang natin kung may magtiyatiyaga pa sa iyo…Ang tanda tanda mo na...ang taba taba mo…wala kang kuwentang babae!” (Let’s see if somebody will still take you---you are old and fat and worthless!). Some husbands stop cursing or nagging…or probably never did…but their silence, indifference and blatant disregard of their wives make these women feel just that---worthless and nobody.

Some women leave their husbands when their trust has been violated. The degree of tolerance vary from woman-to-woman. There are those who cannot accept even a one-night stand fling, others can be more forgiving---“Basta ba sa akin siya umuuwi at wala siyang binabahay na ibang babae at wala siyang inaanakan. Lalaki yan, wala tayong magagawa (So long as he goes home to me, doesn’t have a home or sire a child with another woman. He is a man, there is nothing we can do about that!)”, I hear these women say as they condone their husbands’ indiscretion in sad resignation.

No matter how these women react to or rationalize their husbands’ infidelity, the damage has been done. This betrayal of trust leaves many women blaming themselves, “What is wrong with me?”---their self esteem crushed, their faith shaken. All their lives these women’s most ardent wish and prayer is to have a solid, happy home with their husbands, and wonder why such a simple and humble dream will be denied by the very man they built those dreams of “forever” with? This pulls many women down to the deepest pits of depression. Many get so crippled and hide in isolation. They cease to be loving mothers to their children, some cannot even be productive in their work or vocation as before. Others turn to self-destructive behavior like drinking, drug addiction, even suicide.

Some women leave because their trust is violated in another way---when their husbands use and abuse them and treat them like doormats. I hear stories of women who work double jobs, attend to their children’s needs, do household chores while their husbands choose to be lazy, inconsiderate or simply pathetically apathetic. Some husbands work, but after which just go binge drinking and bar-hopping with their barkadas. Other men choose to stay home, watch television, drink beer, demand to be served like kings by their servant wives. Worse, there are husbands who choose not to work, depend on their wives, and use their wives’ hard earned money budgeted for the family’s needs, to splurge on their vices, gambling, and/or, their womanizing.

Some women say goodbye because of their husbands’ psychological incapacity. After years of marriage, they painfully realize and accept that their husbands may not have within their personality and psyche what it takes to fulfill their obligations as husband and father, and that their condition may be hopeless and incorrigible. This is the only ground accepted by the Catholic Church to annul a marriage.

Other women leave their husbands because of irreconcilable differences. After a considerable time of being together, the husband and/or the wife finds out that what sets them apart are far greater and stronger than what keeps them together. This may include lifestyle, values, attitude, sexuality, religion, finances, child-rearing, etc. that may never be resolved. This is an accepted ground for a no-fault divorce.

However, there are also women who walk out the door when they feel they have outgrown their husbands, when they feel their husbands’ lack of drive and ambition or desirable and productive attributes just stifle their own potentials to grow and be successful. Other women grow tired of pretending to be somebody else just to please their husbands and keep a happy façade of their family life. On the other hand, some husbands and wives just grow apart—after years of marriage they realize they are now different people from the men and women they used to be when they fell in love and said “I do”. They hardly know each other anymore. They are now looking toward separate directions. Some women, men, or both, just fall out of love.

Most women hold on to their marriage, endure all the suffering, hope against all odds. Many seek professional help---they turn to psychiatrists, marriage counselors, and spiritual advisers, as well as to trusted family members and friends for guidance. A lot of women draw strength and courage in the power of prayer and positive thinking, I know some who faithfully and religiously make novenas to St. Jude, St. Joseph, to the Mother of Perpetual Help, to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, to the Black Nazarene. Marami rin ang namamanata, at mayroon ding naglalakad pa ng paluhod sa simbahan upang ipagdasal ang kanilang asawa at ang panunumbalik ng pagmamahal at pagkakaisa sa kanilang tahanan (Many women make promises and offerings to God, others even walk on their knees to pray for their husbands and the restoration of love and unity in their families). Others do trial separation and see if both parties will gain a better perspective of their situation from afar and re-evaluate the value of their marriage and family to them. Some women find new love, hope, and the will to move on in the arms of another man.

There are couples who become successful in repairing the damage of their relationship. After all that have been said and done, they are able to keep the marriage and have even found stronger love and commitment after their trials. However, for some women, the answer to their prayers seems to be “No”. Some have tried everything over and over again, only to be hurt over and over again. To these women, the only right thing to do is to walk away.

As women get better educated and become more financially independent, as they have more access to information on their rights and other options in life, as they feel safe and accepted by support groups like friends, family, civic and religious groups, government institutions, they become braver and bolder to say enough is enough. They find the courage to end the cycle of violence and betrayal.

These women find an epiphany in the importance of validating their own selves---no more lies and betrayal of who they are and their worth as children of God. They learn to respect and love themselves, which enables them to be truly loving mothers, to be better human beings. While they struggle with the fact that their children will grow up in a broken home, they are consoled and strengthened by the thought that their decision will give their kids important life lessons and examples of honesty, authenticity, self love and respect, which they hope will help them navigate their own voyage in life. And to these women, that is all that truly matters…

The Most Important Day of our Life

Went to church last Sunday and the priest’s sermon had touched me so much. From the sermon I have learned that the most important day of our life, is not our birthday, it is our BAPTISMAL DAY!!! Yes, we can’t deny that our natal day is important because that’s the day we were given life…mortal life. But think of it, on our birthday, we were given life… but on our baptismal day, we were given….ETERNAL life. See the difference? A world of difference indeed. Because on our baptismal day, we accept Jesus Christ in our lives. John 3:16, remember? “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life?” Thus, our baptismal day is a day not to be ignored, but rather a day to be celebrated.

I bet nobody remembers what their baptismal day is, and have even misplaced their baptismal certificate. We should also celebrate our baptismal day as much as our birthday.

I will ask you, what’s the most important day in a Christian’s life? I’ll bet that you will all answer…CHRISTMAS. Yeah, it’s important because it’s the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. But I have learned that the most important day ever in our life as a Christian is the EASTER because the resurrection of Christ is the linchpin of Christian theology. Yes, we celebrate His birth on Christmas, and that is a much bigger holiday in secular societies than is Easter. But as important as that date was, it is not the most important one. Yes, the fact that Jesus was born and the circumstances of his birth are crucial and we should indeed celebrate it. But if He had been born, lived, and died, that would not have influenced the world in the same way as His resurrection. You see, Christianity doesn’t rest on the birth of Jesus or even His death, as great as these events were. Jesus claimed to be God, claimed that He could forgive sins, and claimed that only through Him could people find a place in Heaven. His death and subsequent resurrection showed that He had the power of God, for only God could rise from the dead. If Jesus had stayed dead, it wouldn’t have impacted His followers. In fact, after His crucifixion, the Disciples were all despondent and scattered. Only after His return from the grave were people willing to die to share Jesus’ message. Only by rising from the dead did Christ prove that he actually could forgive sins and prove that everything he claimed was actually true.

Cheap and Easy Beauty Regimen

I found this article through the Net and have tried it. It works!

Try this quick and easy face mask recipe and let me know what you think!

1/4 cup of cornstarch

1/2 cup of very ripe strawberries, tops cut off

a mixing bowl

Drop the berries and cornstarch in a bowl and mix them together until you make a paste. Then, layer it on to your face. After ten minutes, rinse the mask off with warm water. Get a little extra sloughing by rubbing the mask in small circles as you rinse to knock off any dead skin.

The Winning Attitude

I’m the type of person who always wants to win no matter what. I like the concept of winning. Our thoughts and words are so important to bringing our dreams to reality. If I am not careful, I will catch myself thinking negative thoughts which translate into negative words. It is constant hard work to control this. I have decided to take the words “I can’t” out of my vocabulary because I believe I can set my mind to whatever I want to.

Everything we feel and believe is based on our internal thoughts. Whether we are conscious or not, we are what we think. We can be sad or happy, positive or negative, enthusiastic or boring.

Positive and negative thoughts are both contagious but I would much rather spread positive thoughts and words than spread negative thoughts. Everyone in one way or another affects each other, if you allow them to. People are affected by our thoughts as they come in contact with us. You can immediately pick up on a negative person’s thought as well as a positive person’s thought. But positive people are more likely to get help from other people and are much more likely to succeed in their efforts.

Here is a quote that has always struck me as being empowering.

“Whatever comes to us in life we create first in our mentality.”

If you think about that statement, I’m sure you will begin to see it as a truism. If you think positive thoughts and focus yourself on something you want, very often you achieve it. Conversely, if you sit around focusing on the things you don’t want to happen, they tend to gain momentum. There is a real simple reason for this. If you are focusing on the things you don’t want, you are not focusing on the things you do want.

"IF", My favorite poem

This poem has truly inspired me. You need to read beyond the ink in order to see the beauty of its meaning. Reading this poem makes me think of the world and who I am in a whole different perspective.

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

–Rudyard Kipling

I believe the struggle to carry on in the face of such adversity with dignity and humility is the central theme of the poem. It is a message of perseverance and determination.